::5- Wireman::

i know that people come to Florida when they are old and sick because it is warm pretty much year-round, but i think the Gulf of Mexico has something else going for it. Just looking into that mild flat sunlit calm is healing.
It's a big word, isn't it ? Gulf, i mean. Big enough to drop a lot of things into and watch them disappear.

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Edgar : They(physical therapist and psychologist) said the quicker i learn to use it, the quicker i'd be able to get on with my life ---

Wireman : Just put the whole thing behind you and go on dancing.

Edgar : Yes.

Wireman : Only sometimes putting a thing behind you isn't so easy to do .....
Sometimes it's not even right ...

::4- Friends with Benifits::

i remember all sorts of things Wireman said, but i believe that's the one i associate with him the most strongly, maybe because i heard him say it before i knew his name, or had even shaken his hand ...
'Do the day and let the day do you'.

************************************************

.... but we fool ourselves so much we could do it for a living. That's what Wireman says, and he's often right. Probably too often. Even now.

::3- Drawing On New Resources::

[On Edgar's new life, and the confession of his greatest pain, with remorse and confusion...]

And that became my morning routine : orange juice, walk, yogurt, current events.

My wife had come to seem like someone... other. Most of the people in my life also felt other. And the dismaying thing was that i didn't much care ....

i told myself it would pass, and when it didn't and Pam told me she wanted a divorce, what followed my anger was relief.

During my first weeks on Duma .... i answered letters and emails from people .... with short jottings(i'm fine, the weather's fine, the bones are mending) that bore little resemblance to my actual life. And when their communication first slowed and then stopped, i wasn't sorry.

Only Ilse ... i never got that other feeling about her. ... To Ilse i told the truth, or as much of it as i could without sounding crazy.


*Note : Ilse - Edgar's younger daughter
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Last update : 19 June 2009
===========================

i didn't hate Pam -- not really -- but i seemed to still hate something. Maybe that other life.
Maybe only myself.

******************************************************
[On hurt that everyone would get ...]

But everyone gets their share, don't they ? .... Except the ones you love can really multiply that hurt and pass it around.
Pain is the greatest power of love.


We think we change, but we don't really -- that's what Wireman says.
Maybe si(yes), maybe no -- that's what Freemantle(Edgar) says.

.... when it comes to memory, we all stack a deck ...

::2- Big Pink::

[On arriving at the house at Duma Key, for the first time ...]

When i look back on that time, it's with the strongest stew of emotions: love, longing, terror, horror, regret and the deep sweetness only those who have been near death can know.

.... instant attraction ... It's the way i felt about Pam the first time i met her. ..... And it's the way i felt about Big Pink from the very first.


******************************************************

Last update : 05 June 2009
===========================
Maybe we all see skins like that in our dreams, and our waking minds can never quite translate them into colours that have names.


[when the word HELLO stroke Edgar's mind as the right 'name' for his paint ...]

i still think that that's the perfect name for a picture drawn by a man who's trying his best not to be sad anymore -- who's trying to remember how it felt to be happy.


******************************************************
[On how Ilse-- Edgar's younger daughter-- felt about her parent's divorce]

She's understanding that this thing was really happening, that her mother and father were not just going to wake up one morning and take it back.


Wireman would tell me, God always punishes us for what we can't imagine.

::1- My Other Life::

At first you were afraid you would die, then you were afraid you wouldn't ...

God loves surprises. ..

... when it comes to the past, we all stack the deck..

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Dr Kamen : Edgar, does anything make you happy ?
Edgar : i used to sketch.

Dr Kamen : When ?
Edgar : As a kid.

Dr Kamen : Since then ?
Edgar : No.

Dr Kamen : Take it up again .... You need hedges.
Edgar : Hedges .. (bemused)

Dr Kamen : Yes, Edgar ... Hedges against the night.

********************************************************************************
[On the divorce between Edgar and his wife, Pam]

Tom Riley : She got herself a lawyer. She's going ahead with this divorce business.

Edgar : .... What exactly does she want ?

Tom Riley : She said she hopes it doesn't have to be mean. She said "i don't want to be rich, and i don't want a fight. i just want him to be fair to me and the girls, the way he always was. Will you tell him that ?" ....
.....
The life with Pam and the girls and the construction company was over; there were no other rooms in it to explore. There were, however, doors. The one marked SUICIDE was currently a bad option ....
That left the one marked DUMA KEY. ....


********************************************************************************
[On the accident death of Monica's dog, Gandalf]

Monica looked at me with eyes that were more than grief-striken, more than shocked. They were crazy.
i know that look well. i'd seen it often in my own mirror ....
....

Edgar : Do you promise? Big swear? Mother's name ?

Monica : Big swear. Mother's name. Go on.

.....
i was clutching Gandalf to my chest with my left arm, and his eyes were staring up at my face ---
No, past it. And past the sky.


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Last update : 22 May 2009

Dreams mostly tell the truth, don't they ?


[On Edgar's feel of remorse about the death of Gandalf ...]

.... Because i didn't think Gandalf had died on his own. i think he needed help.

i went into my old living room. i wasn't conscious of moving my feet; i went in the way you move in dreams, as if it 's really the world moveing around you, streaming backward like some extravagant trick of projection....

********************************************************************************
In the end we always wear out our worries.

::The Last Temptation::

Showman : i showed you Adulthood, Steven. i showed you the world to come. You know that there's nothing to be gained from life. ..... What i'm offering, Steven, is so much better than life.

Steven : What are you offering ?

Showman : Never grow old, Steven. Never decay. Never end. You can become part of the theatre of the real. When you've become the thing that scares, there's nothing to be scared of over again.

Steven : No. i don't want it. i don't want to be any part of your show. .... i know that school is a bitch and real life probably won't be any better..... but i want to go out into Life. i want to make my own mistakes.

Showman : You want to grow old, and die ?

Steven : Yes, i suppose i do. If you put it like THAT.

::How To DraW A Picture (XII)::

Know then you are finished, and when you have, put your pencil or your paintbrush down. All the rest is only life.

::How To DraW A Picture (XI)::

Don't quit until the picture is complete.

Talent is a wonderful thing. But it won't carry a quitter.

And there always come a time -- if the work is sincere, if it comes from that magic place where thought, memory and emotion all merge -- when you will want to quit, when you will think that if you put your pencil down your eyes will dull, your memory will lapse and the pain will end.

::How To DraW A Picture (X)::

Be prepared to see it all. If you want to create -- God help you if you do, God help you if you can -- don't you dare to commit the immorality of stopping on the surface.

Go deep and take your fair salvage. Do it no matter how much it hurts.

::How To DraW A Picture (IX)::

Look for the picture inside the picture. It's not always easy to see, but it's always there. And if you miss it, you can miss the world.

::How To DraW A Picture (VIII)::

Be brave. Don't be afraid to draw the secret things.

Because if you tell yourself the great lies of bad art - that you are in charge - your chance at the truth will be lost.

The truth isn't always pretty. Sometimes the truth is a big boy.

::How To DraW A Picture (VII)::

Remember that 'seeing is believing' put the cart before the horse.

If you don't believe what you see, who will believe your art ?

Their reason still sleeps. And the sleep of reason breed monsters.

Believing is also feeling.
Any artist will tell you that.

::How To DraW A Picture (VI)::

Keep your focus. It is the difference between a good picture and just one more image cluttering up a world filled with them.

If you keep your focus, eventually your focus will keep you. Sometimes without parole.

::How To DraW A Picture (V)::

For children, meanness is usually funny only when it's imagined.

::How To DraW A Picture (IV)::

Start with what you know, then re-invent it.

Art is magic. ..... but all art, no matter how strange, start in the humble everyday.

::How To DraW A Picture (III)::

Stay hungry.

If u want to translate the world,you need to use your appetites. Does this surprise you? It shouldn't. There is nothing as human as hunger.