::3- Drawing On New Resources::

[On Edgar's new life, and the confession of his greatest pain, with remorse and confusion...]

And that became my morning routine : orange juice, walk, yogurt, current events.

My wife had come to seem like someone... other. Most of the people in my life also felt other. And the dismaying thing was that i didn't much care ....

i told myself it would pass, and when it didn't and Pam told me she wanted a divorce, what followed my anger was relief.

During my first weeks on Duma .... i answered letters and emails from people .... with short jottings(i'm fine, the weather's fine, the bones are mending) that bore little resemblance to my actual life. And when their communication first slowed and then stopped, i wasn't sorry.

Only Ilse ... i never got that other feeling about her. ... To Ilse i told the truth, or as much of it as i could without sounding crazy.


*Note : Ilse - Edgar's younger daughter
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Last update : 19 June 2009
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i didn't hate Pam -- not really -- but i seemed to still hate something. Maybe that other life.
Maybe only myself.

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[On hurt that everyone would get ...]

But everyone gets their share, don't they ? .... Except the ones you love can really multiply that hurt and pass it around.
Pain is the greatest power of love.


We think we change, but we don't really -- that's what Wireman says.
Maybe si(yes), maybe no -- that's what Freemantle(Edgar) says.

.... when it comes to memory, we all stack a deck ...